Do you remember that time, 
when you didn't chose your steps?
Walking, skipping, running, twirling,
Those impressions, that eye color?
Today sinks deeper through trenches of black.
Each heart trying to just make. it. make. it.
Hey you, blonde ocean waves,
Please splash, crash and pour down.
Don't worry; smile, and love the rest,
because that heart still makes it. makes it. 

Journey-full evenings

My life is new.

I am now living in Denver, 

wanting to see every street. 

My days are filled with tempers and coffee,

granola and great dane kisses. 

I have two baby kittens.

They run around and pounce like little lions. 

Reins

I can't begin. 
I can't move on. 
Even in my dreams. 
There is something so little holding me up, 
like a pin, 
As I wander silently.
Brain never stops.
Emotions never rest.
This unending controlling obsession my being has..
is squeezing. 
Don't come back. Stay where you are.
The glow, heartbeats, and twirling sensations;
the tears that fill my eyes just picturing it.
Please.
That experience...
it can't be. 
I don't want to be without that life. 
And this boy.
I find peace in what I know.
This empty calendar is leaving me so blurred,
like distance matched with a bomb.
Just to scream, 
So gut wrenchingly loud.
And to drive somewhere I know, that will just be the same.
Numerous potentials and matched confidence will lead my path. 
Just this moment, has left me exhausted. 
Those dimmed lights, those blue eyes, and that sage honey.
The numbness of reading your words, the perfect house, and my horse that never stops fighting.
it's Gray. and me.

I shouldn't

I shouldn't be thinking this, looking back, and comparing.
The emotional tides have let loose, and here they are back at you. 
Engulfing every ounce of my being in excitement...
Away, there, far, out, gone.
These times. 
I'm going away;
Leaving everything I have ever known, to a place I have never been.
and bringing along the unsure version of my past that is safe. 
I love. 
Blue eyes, soft personality, and willingness. 
Every opposite trench of insecurities, with one word. 
You mark it for me. 
As if this world hasn't ever seen this yielding proof of everlastingness. 
Please, clear this confusion, 
let the water drip quietly behind the lost voices of passion.

I've lost

When I started college, I had so much ambitious drive. 
I would long for the day I could prove myself in this world. 
I knew exactly what I wanted and how I would get there... I just had to finish college first. 
My parents always told me that education is the most important thing. 
I understand and believe this too, in a sense.
That everyday running drive I had has faded into a hum of 'What am I doing?'
The greatest that could have come from pursuing that feeling might have been grand, grander than the accomplishments yet to come of me. 
I'm expected. 
Every hour I think about how I will overcome obstacles, and the most realistic way. 
I want to turn these dreams into reality, but I haven't got the passion I used to have. 
Being young and trying to prove yourself in an adult world is tough, but I'm sad with myself that I gave in.  
You'll hear more from me, this isn't my end. I just wonder what could have been. 
And everlasting at that. 

This life

It's been months, 
and I'll tell you why. 
There was an emptiness filled with want
of a thing I now wouldn't choose. 
And I feel a different sense of inspiration, 
through love.  
I often wonder why this horse came into my life. 
He's strong and ambient, but very scared. 
His past has hurt him, he trusts in me, and I love him. 
This unsure time in deciding my future has really made me question God's intention with him. 
I know I am right with him, but he makes me afraid for him.
Maybe that is his purpose in itself, to have something I can't control. 
This path will all be clear someday.

You throw your head back laughing,

Can we step back and breathe, 

just for a second. 

That humming behind the thoughts of insecurity.

It's there. 

Marching triumphantly through these hours awaiting, 

the inevitable has come, dahling. 

Just spin as fast as you can, 

and then collapse. 

Because staying here, pretending, just being here;

it's all a lie. 

The difficulty behind words without true meaning. 

The labels.

This general. 

It doesn't exist. 

We decide upon others, what we need to put on ourselves, 

but this zing of gold, shatters of glass, and overgrown ends is 

quite honestly ruling peace. 

My sink drips.

The clips hold what you want to stay, 

force it to stay, do it. Do it. Do it.

But why?

Leave, please just leave. 

Don't look back over through this clouded window, the drips of water sliding through the backdrop of an undecided future, 

Cling to that of hope, and run.

Handlebar scuffs, pointed toes, and those guarded smiles. 

Fly away, butterfly. 

Musky Morning

If I were honest, 
I would say that I want to be better. 
The Career Fair is supposed to be somewhere to go and network, and possibly land a job. 
I don't want a job from the Career Fair. 
I want something more.
And me wanting something more might leave me with nothing. 
But I almost would rather have nothing than something that I don't want. 
Bring me somewhere else.

Dignified Criminals

So, this is it. 
You'll reach a point of regretful shame,
turn to see a white flutter, 
and cry. 
You'll burn the thoughts, 
hate the worry, 
and run until you fall, ruptured. 
This season is screaming. 
Can you see I'm unaffected?
Run, child. Run. 

Falling Notes of Ambiguous Exchange

How would you interpret it, 
if the sunset faded to unexpected colors, 
the music became classical, 
and the pointed toes painted sparkle in the air?
If voices were subdued, 
engines stopped running, 
and wildlife were no longer frightened?
Would you crave mystery?
If pages stopped being printed, 
the flowers bloomed hesitantly,
and people ventured out of their houses?
-To travel to a place where this is possible.
Please remember the softness, 
since emotions hold peaceful control.

Remarkable

There's a little fear, 
a lot of wonder, 
and an ounce or so of anger left. 
Unleash the excitement, 
those exuberant droned colors of fall,
and love. 

Crinkled Dollar Splits and Oreos

I wish someone would just tell me what to do.
To run. 
To stay. 
To leap free of regret.
Creative minds drive my ambitious nature. 
These paper doll outfits and painted on smiles are tiring the hair whips of fabulous emotions. 
To gallop away with fear and determination.
Be brave with your words, don't hide behind false emotion, and spread the love of genuine being through the small town streets of plastic.
Because this is all there is,
and it's absolutely marvelous.

Hesitated but Excitedly Awaited

This month marks my Senior Year in college.
I want to explore, I want to learn.
This blog will start to reflect my adventures, 
rather than just my words.

Pomade kisses

You,

Please use caution.

Walk slowly away but stop.

Be yourself and tackle me to the ground.

This won't go away.

Is it supposed to?

It's hard to believe freed minds aren't in sights,

Because times have spread widely without being interrupted.

That creak under the floorboards and that familiar slam.

You don't get it, do you?

Overhangs of blonde curls, genuine laughs, and mysterious paperwork.

Trailing polish

Just when you thought the complexity peaked, 
marshmallow kissed amber heels tap quietly.
Leaping through sunset colored grasses, quietly afraid.
Scarred and imprinted by branded memories, followed by unthoughtful embrace of fierce sheer veils. 
Head twirls and hair falls while teeth hide behind reminded nothingness.
Magnificently yours.

Lime Twisted Abnormality

What would you venture to achieve, If mountains awaited your phone call?

Maintaining misery through repeated footsteps, 

While deciding an unworthy response. 

A year away. 

Bringing fortune and multitude upon my return, 

Is it worth leaving my now? 

Dependent souls of innocent beings rely on my ethic, 

For this level of care is rare. 

The rhyme, 

My boundaries between being clueless and pretending,

I hate to live passionless days. 

On to drifted waters, brisk winds, and soft hair. 

Camera flashes and heavy jewelry. 

These false beauties embrace the innocence of vulnerable stares. 

Beneath the covers of magnitude is there, what is real. 

I hate to be standing. 

Running fears behind slammed doors. 

I'm so tired of fighting. 

Fringed lampshades, an untied silk robe, and mascara stained pillow cases. 

Understanding is scarce, the simplicity of decisions have never phased. 

Genuine like.

Silence

Unpainted nails, twisted hair and slouched shoulders.
The knot you're holding back in your throat. 
Bruised ankles, nature living, 
As if it doesn't care. 
I will explore, spontaneous, although I always have, 
find beauty beyond barriers. 
Those little nose wrinkles, bright eyes, and free spirits,
they bring me joy. 
The mailbox you haven't checked in weeks. 
This feeling isn't right. 
Picking up again. 
I will miss you so very much. 

Heavy eyelids

I try to see everything positively, but rant endlessly about things I can't change. 
I might be crazy, I might be weird, I might even be clingy, 
but one thing I know I am is real. 
To pretend to be someone, or hide true feelings is ignorant.
You're the coward. 
I feel embarrassed for misinterpreting, or maybe you are just unsure.. 
because things you can't hide are what I branch off of, making it impossible to  run. 
I am so wound in this going on feeling. Keeping my mind busy from thinking. 
It's nights like these I break down, 
because if anything I always thought you simply cared. 
This feeling sparks adventure, a need to get away.. 
meeting people without judgement, who aren't just playing. 
You go live your life, best of luck to you.
I find your future amusing, possibly entertaining. 
Because I don't believe that you know where you're going, and I'm interested to find out. 
Maybe you'll run further away from the people who care about you, 
the people that know you beyond your broken shell. And I hope you find what you are looking for out there. 
Because even the heartless remarks, the careless actions, and scared stares, can't push me away from wanting the best for you. 
Ridicule as you like, because I am strong enough to absorb the hate, remember the laughter, and smile. 
The candle waxed water, intertwined fingers, and trying remarks. 
Go live your life, loser.  

Life-less heart beats

It's remarkable how much impact one person can make. 
I love confidence. 

Fuschia

Abbey's hair here is remarkable. I am itching for some spontaneous change. 
It is newly finals week.
This year has changed me in so many ways. 
I love the expressioned ones, the people who aren't afraid to show emotion.
Paths are leading in so many different directions in everyone's lives,
and I still don't see myself down an ordinary one. 
I don't want to work somewhere, doing something hundreds do, hoping someday something will change. 
I will either be defeated, or completely abnormal in a successful way. 
I seek adventure. 
I think differently.