You throw your head back laughing,

Can we step back and breathe, 

just for a second. 

That humming behind the thoughts of insecurity.

It's there. 

Marching triumphantly through these hours awaiting, 

the inevitable has come, dahling. 

Just spin as fast as you can, 

and then collapse. 

Because staying here, pretending, just being here;

it's all a lie. 

The difficulty behind words without true meaning. 

The labels.

This general. 

It doesn't exist. 

We decide upon others, what we need to put on ourselves, 

but this zing of gold, shatters of glass, and overgrown ends is 

quite honestly ruling peace. 

My sink drips.

The clips hold what you want to stay, 

force it to stay, do it. Do it. Do it.

But why?

Leave, please just leave. 

Don't look back over through this clouded window, the drips of water sliding through the backdrop of an undecided future, 

Cling to that of hope, and run.

Handlebar scuffs, pointed toes, and those guarded smiles. 

Fly away, butterfly. 

Musky Morning

If I were honest, 
I would say that I want to be better. 
The Career Fair is supposed to be somewhere to go and network, and possibly land a job. 
I don't want a job from the Career Fair. 
I want something more.
And me wanting something more might leave me with nothing. 
But I almost would rather have nothing than something that I don't want. 
Bring me somewhere else.

Dignified Criminals

So, this is it. 
You'll reach a point of regretful shame,
turn to see a white flutter, 
and cry. 
You'll burn the thoughts, 
hate the worry, 
and run until you fall, ruptured. 
This season is screaming. 
Can you see I'm unaffected?
Run, child. Run. 

Falling Notes of Ambiguous Exchange

How would you interpret it, 
if the sunset faded to unexpected colors, 
the music became classical, 
and the pointed toes painted sparkle in the air?
If voices were subdued, 
engines stopped running, 
and wildlife were no longer frightened?
Would you crave mystery?
If pages stopped being printed, 
the flowers bloomed hesitantly,
and people ventured out of their houses?
-To travel to a place where this is possible.
Please remember the softness, 
since emotions hold peaceful control.

Remarkable

There's a little fear, 
a lot of wonder, 
and an ounce or so of anger left. 
Unleash the excitement, 
those exuberant droned colors of fall,
and love. 

Crinkled Dollar Splits and Oreos

I wish someone would just tell me what to do.
To run. 
To stay. 
To leap free of regret.
Creative minds drive my ambitious nature. 
These paper doll outfits and painted on smiles are tiring the hair whips of fabulous emotions. 
To gallop away with fear and determination.
Be brave with your words, don't hide behind false emotion, and spread the love of genuine being through the small town streets of plastic.
Because this is all there is,
and it's absolutely marvelous.

Hesitated but Excitedly Awaited

This month marks my Senior Year in college.
I want to explore, I want to learn.
This blog will start to reflect my adventures, 
rather than just my words.

Pomade kisses

You,

Please use caution.

Walk slowly away but stop.

Be yourself and tackle me to the ground.

This won't go away.

Is it supposed to?

It's hard to believe freed minds aren't in sights,

Because times have spread widely without being interrupted.

That creak under the floorboards and that familiar slam.

You don't get it, do you?

Overhangs of blonde curls, genuine laughs, and mysterious paperwork.

Trailing polish

Just when you thought the complexity peaked, 
marshmallow kissed amber heels tap quietly.
Leaping through sunset colored grasses, quietly afraid.
Scarred and imprinted by branded memories, followed by unthoughtful embrace of fierce sheer veils. 
Head twirls and hair falls while teeth hide behind reminded nothingness.
Magnificently yours.

Lime Twisted Abnormality

What would you venture to achieve, If mountains awaited your phone call?

Maintaining misery through repeated footsteps, 

While deciding an unworthy response. 

A year away. 

Bringing fortune and multitude upon my return, 

Is it worth leaving my now? 

Dependent souls of innocent beings rely on my ethic, 

For this level of care is rare. 

The rhyme, 

My boundaries between being clueless and pretending,

I hate to live passionless days. 

On to drifted waters, brisk winds, and soft hair. 

Camera flashes and heavy jewelry. 

These false beauties embrace the innocence of vulnerable stares. 

Beneath the covers of magnitude is there, what is real. 

I hate to be standing. 

Running fears behind slammed doors. 

I'm so tired of fighting. 

Fringed lampshades, an untied silk robe, and mascara stained pillow cases. 

Understanding is scarce, the simplicity of decisions have never phased. 

Genuine like.

Silence

Unpainted nails, twisted hair and slouched shoulders.
The knot you're holding back in your throat. 
Bruised ankles, nature living, 
As if it doesn't care. 
I will explore, spontaneous, although I always have, 
find beauty beyond barriers. 
Those little nose wrinkles, bright eyes, and free spirits,
they bring me joy. 
The mailbox you haven't checked in weeks. 
This feeling isn't right. 
Picking up again. 
I will miss you so very much. 

Heavy eyelids

I try to see everything positively, but rant endlessly about things I can't change. 
I might be crazy, I might be weird, I might even be clingy, 
but one thing I know I am is real. 
To pretend to be someone, or hide true feelings is ignorant.
You're the coward. 
I feel embarrassed for misinterpreting, or maybe you are just unsure.. 
because things you can't hide are what I branch off of, making it impossible to  run. 
I am so wound in this going on feeling. Keeping my mind busy from thinking. 
It's nights like these I break down, 
because if anything I always thought you simply cared. 
This feeling sparks adventure, a need to get away.. 
meeting people without judgement, who aren't just playing. 
You go live your life, best of luck to you.
I find your future amusing, possibly entertaining. 
Because I don't believe that you know where you're going, and I'm interested to find out. 
Maybe you'll run further away from the people who care about you, 
the people that know you beyond your broken shell. And I hope you find what you are looking for out there. 
Because even the heartless remarks, the careless actions, and scared stares, can't push me away from wanting the best for you. 
Ridicule as you like, because I am strong enough to absorb the hate, remember the laughter, and smile. 
The candle waxed water, intertwined fingers, and trying remarks. 
Go live your life, loser.  

Life-less heart beats

It's remarkable how much impact one person can make. 
I love confidence. 

Fuschia

Abbey's hair here is remarkable. I am itching for some spontaneous change. 
It is newly finals week.
This year has changed me in so many ways. 
I love the expressioned ones, the people who aren't afraid to show emotion.
Paths are leading in so many different directions in everyone's lives,
and I still don't see myself down an ordinary one. 
I don't want to work somewhere, doing something hundreds do, hoping someday something will change. 
I will either be defeated, or completely abnormal in a successful way. 
I seek adventure. 
I think differently.

Craving Change

I am here for my dear, 

thinking insight fully about words that can help. 

I want to grant this week away, 

as bad as it seems.
Stress levels from multiple sources are stinging my eyes when closed. 

I think that this town screams "Run away and find yourself".

Yet, I feel so different then I did 3 years before.
Have I "found myself" already?

Probably not.
I plan, plan, plan, plan, plan down to every last detail, 

only out of excitement.
But I think I ruin the actual excitement when the moment comes. 

I have an adorable kitty, 

who bites when she's mad, plays when she's hyper, and cuddles when she loves.

Maybe we should all be more like her. 

Piano music and bun tied hair

This Thursday has been refreshingly beautiful.
Yes, it is raining outside, but my windows are cracked to hear the rain.
My heart feels lightened and brave. 
I wish all the world this feeling. 

I wander because I am lost.

Why am I doubting the only person I was certain about,
and taking this emotional roller coaster ride through past experiences,
that should have long passed.
It's been months. 
Day after day, I question. 
Care. 
I don't want to hold onto this anymore.
I want to break free and find (it). 
Is it me?

People don't take the person telling the judgement into consideration before judging.
I wish I could publish my side of the story, for everyone to read.
Because this game is getting so mean.
I can't defend myself anymore.
Think what you want. 
I'm done.

I'm so nailed in place.

I just got home from seeing the vow, 
exquisite movie.
It makes me wonder, 
how life will unfold. 
I have so many lust-less priorities holding me back.
I hate being held here waiting for it all to end.
It shouldn't be this way.
I'm so tempted to leave it all behind, 
technology, school, the life I'm used to. 
I'm emotionally unstable,
and that's okay.
Tomorrow's a new day, and maybe just maybe,
I'll run away.

Lightly Stated

I find that I don't write when things are busy in my life, 
when really it should be the other way around. 
There has been so much going on in my friend's lives.
I find myself giving advice that I should be taking myself. 
I have a new theory about being single.
I've been single for a while now, and haven't been in a while; but here it is. 
You should never be single solely for the fact that you want to be single.  The reason for this is you are probably denying people that are actually right for you because you are trying to live up a fantasy of something the single life is owned up to be.  I think there are reasons to focus on yourself, and to make sure you are emotionally stable enough for a relationship, but I would never deny feelings because I made a decision, before meeting that person, that I would remain single. You never know what you could be missing out on. 
That's my word, and I'm sticking to it. 

Marketing

Turning Around.

My kitty is afraid of music. 
We are young.
So let's set the world on fire. 
Tonight, lovely. Tonight. 

Entirely Bonkers

Maybe things are working out.

This is a happy post. 
Today, things just seem right. 
I had a casting at Neiman Marcus, four photo shoots this month, meeting with Ford Models Chicago, and then off to Hawaii for 17 days. 
I rescued the most beautiful kitten. 
I feel whole hearted, and content with my plans.
My bed is unmade, my faucet is dripping, but I think it's pretty. 
I can't wait.

Being fabulous is the Best Revenge

All Text

There isn't a way to prove to someone that they can do it.
Convincing in an emotional situation leads to untrue decisions.
What are people saying?
The talk of specific instances are translated through,
making me feel predicted.
The last thing I'd hope to be.
Mimicking pasts with him, make me just another, 
instead of "her". 
I should have fought harder. 
Been stronger. 
Because here I am, thinking I'm the different one,
when all other eyes see me as just the next.
..And as much as I'd love to not believe them, 
try to "prove them wrong",
I'm just in denial to myself, about something that will not change.
I hate when I am defeated.
Not because of the competition, yet knowing I can't,
anymore. 
"I'm glad you didn't..." 
False embraces, curdled cream, and balancing ribbon beneath a nail.
"...But I did."


 

Musical experience

For someone to kiss me without makeup on, 
dreams are haunting my thoughts. 
Infomercials and burnt coffee,
the comfortable clothes scattered throughout.
The soundtrack to these joys.

Spontaneous Hope

Remarkably uplifted by glimmers of hope. 
It is easy to get carried away, 
especially by something that is so incredibly wanted. 
Regret-less spaces are bounded by inevitable pain.
This has become so blatantly obvious to me, finally.
Effort is singular, I can't make anyone else put in effort; genuine effort. 
So here I lay, reminiscing on the unimportant, hoping someday someone will appreciate this level of anxiety.

You may not understand me,

...but underneath the layers, I am everything I love to be. 

Messy Haired, Late Mornings

Lunch dates with girlfriends, 
and everything else just to make us smile. 

Words Beneath More Words

This holiday season was particularly overlooked by me this year. 
I feel inspired to write usually when I am feeling some sort of emotion. 
Lately that emotion has been negative, but I hope I'm not portraying my life as a negative one. I have a wonderful life. 

The beauty in marbled strong eyes, 
and goodbye kisses. 
How the thoughts bring wells, somehow. 
Why could this happen? 
Short time with painful words, 
masking the truth beneath.
I'm scared now. 
Because I broke, without intentions.
And I try too much to find something in nothing. 
But that nothing was my something, and it made me happy.
I can't force feelings, 
leaving the mystery of planned futures.
Goodbye...