Take a Ride

This semester is almost over, and I can't help but think if I'm doing the right thing.
I am completely uninterested in almost all of my classes, leaving me unmotivated with unsatisfactory grades.

To keep wishing

Marbled paper with lipstick kisses. 
This Christmas season brings great surprise. 

Awkwardly Placed

Realizing it's time to give in. 
Pull the covers over my eyes, 
enjoy sleeping peacefully.
I mark this awkward stage between
being wanted and wanting... 
That I want to just run away without obligation.
Maybe this isn't for me. 
Maybe I've been hoping for something that isn't going to come.
I can be happy alone.
I will be happy alone. 
-with time.
What's impossible is the explanation. 
I had my perfect boy, who opened the doors for me,
loved me more than anything, 
my heart was all in. 
It's hard to see people loving endlessly, 
without the past of being hurt. 
Because I am afraid for them, but also don't know 
what their outcome may be.
Maybe their fairy-tale was meant to be, 
while mine was just a rough draft that the author never had time to finish. 
I'm trying to move past this and just live without warning. 
Because who am I to tell people's futures. 
I'm just a girl. Wanting the life I once had, 
with someone I haven't found yet. 
Pathetic?
I think so too.

Magically Forgiven

"I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them that no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around invisibly for a day and you saw them crying in their bed at night or singing to themselves as they make a sandwich or even just walking along the street and even if they were really weird and had no friends at school, I think after seeing them at their most vulnerable you wouldn’t be able to help falling in love with them. ”

Taking Pride over Judgement

Why do we desire to care less? 
:Be hurt without pain, and so smile knowing the past is clear of regret? 
Wouldn't it benefit if we desired to care more, and protract less?
Guarded armor we carry with us, protecting our soft-hearted bodies, 
in turn scars.  
The snow falls peacefully as torn embraces interrupt the silence,
impossible to be thoughtless. 
Change is excitingly painful. 
I take pride in expectations, although fearfully faced. 
Importantly reminded of passing instances,
the twinkle lights outside, and relationships that hold in-importance. 
The days shine beautifully, if only there weren't barriers;
Barriers forcing hateful words to protect these leaps. 
Wonderful feelings of fluttered ties, embodied through heavy stares. 
The rules should be broken to experience the most exquisite. 
Convincing the importance is tearfully convicted. 

Unwrapping Mysteries

This wonder is driving this little brain crazy.

Feeling that Crazy Full, Yet Racing Beat in your Heart.

Until the twinkle lights are unplugged, 
and that new satin piece is unraveled.. 
there is that feeling. 
Hardly explained, yet so quiet. 

Beautifully Broken

I feel as if I was built as a house, I'd look a lot like this. 

Shouldn't Need a Day

Maybe it's this holiday season, 
Or the differences this year. 
I am so thankful.

Making A Difference

This holiday season I want to do something beneficial.
I want to make a bit of difference in this world. 
I'm thinking of taking orders for baked goods, all profits going to some kind of charity. 
I haven't thought too much about where yet. 

Pondered upon wooden tables, neutral tiled floors.

There are days like today that I feel so incredibly inspired. 
So inspired that I question every decision. 
I love this feeling;
I want to dress in ballgowns, 
and runway walk down the highway medians. 
Fly a kite among the stars, 
and go Christmas Caroling in this college town. 
Why is experiencing life so inconvenient, almost?
"I couldn't make it to class because I was feeding the wild horses."
Unacceptable.
Guidelines to living, lets cry the color out of our eyes just because. 
And pour a slab of concrete in the forest, just to leave our hand-prints. 
Because maybe we aren't really restricted. 
Just mislead with insufficient guidelines. 
Guidelines that lead to an unfulfilled life. 

Grapefruit Sparkling Water, messy hair, and chipped polish.

I made a tent over my bed last night. 
Maybe I expect too much. 

Coffee in mitten-ed hands

It is supposed to snow this week. 
I'd rather have it look pretty, than just be bitter cold.
That means I need to unpack the scarves, winter coats, and boots. 
Excited for the initial snowfall, how storybook. 

It's hard to believe that was me and you.

So on fire-
That look in your eyes that I miss so much. 

A Difficult Realization...

Incredible potential bottled in, 
little country town... yet that perfume attracts. 
Gleaming souls completely content.
Chasing contradictory emotions.
When will it stop, be content, and still?
Maybe this is the part of people that make them fireworks,
a rare quality, I think too deep.
Reaching.
I wish everything was that easy.
Skipping along, smiling pretty. 
Positive outlooks upon negativity.

Wear something Spar-Kylie

New nail polish. Kardashian kolor. yes, kolor. 
This style is stunning.

Let's aim those feet forward.

Looking around you see some people surviving. 
Their places are unknown to all, but they keep moving forward. 
Is there such place as "a reality".. 
Everybody is in a state of unknown, dreaming, wanting, hoping. 
.. yet still living in the midst of everyone else. 
This question just boggles my mind. 
I compare. 
Everything. 
Everyone. 
I judge harshly, react softly, and sleep soundly.
No one person seems to be good enough. 
but they are, in their being, better than me, I'm not good enough. 
How does this work?
I will be there, someday. 
Cartwheeling my way through my unknown "reality". 
Until then, 
blow me away. 

Future ahead.

Isn't this Burberry children's trench to die for?
A day for sipping coffee, listening to music, and finding inspirations.
Musky weather outside calls for a snuggle companion.
If only I had a pup.
Armani is doing great with his new trainer, which makes me very happy.
I am still exploring opportunities in NYC. 
Crossing my fingers it isn't too late. 
Dinner suggestions?

Unexplained Beauty.

You know those times when one sentence, word, picture brings you back?

The Aching, Curious Mind.

Cheers to the strong. 
People change. 
Why do certain traits deem admirable, and inspirational,
when really it seem those same traits make the person crazy.
It is clearly obvious where I want to go and what I want in life. 
Yet, it is so difficult to find someone that is okay with that. 
This doesn't happen initially, but after a time. 
Time doesn't prove anything wrong, maybe just true.
This point in my life.
The point that swirls around me, leaving me breathless. 
Excited,scared, angry.
Leather bracelets, messy hair, and unmade covers. 
Mascara clumps, chapped lips, 
and the thoughts you think about before falling asleep.

Wishing I could unleash this energy, 

impolite. 

I can't wait to find someone who will stay.

be right. 

true. 

honest.

Someday. 

Irony

Talking about motivation in class. 
White walls, concrete, florescent lights. 
Completely un-motivating. 

Hello, Doll-face, keep that chin held high.

New York City. 
The beautiful urban style is oh so inspiring. 
It's crazy how different people live just across the country.
Fast-paced is easy to get accustomed to, yet stressful. 
Shoulder massage, boyfriend?

Embrace this tense feeling, and sail away.

Heels clicking, and awkward stares. 

I Love to Love you.

Someday, honey. 
You'll come prancing to my side. 

That point when you realize who your lifelines are. 
And the horrible realization when you notice who isn't on that list. 
Cut-out dresses couldn't be any prettier. 
Dancing in the car, 
in this pleasantly summer-kissed-with-fall weather. 
Puppy tail wags and kisses. 
Twin's "Lolynn I love you" 's brighten my life. 

Since Fighting is Hard.

I guess I'm just not worth the difficulty of support.
Loyalty lost. 

Mistake after mistake. 
Way to be, Lauren. 

So here's the real raw deal,

I think really deep, especially when I'm left alone. 
When do you stop fighting?
I have come across this question far too many times this year. 
Am I the one changing drastically,
or is it really what my girlfriends tell me; their loss. 
Every person is affected and molded by days and years in their lives, 
but at the same time I don't want to lose touch. 
Some big decisions are coming, and this month could change my life forever, 
but I just am in this weird state of mind, where I want to stay and go at the same time. 
I love spontaneity. I want to go outside and be this world's biggest explosion. 
There are just these limits and barriers keeping me here, in little Wisconsin, wishing and hoping for things to go my way. 
But, maybe my way isn't the right way to go? I'm the most stubborn person I know. 
I could be too close-minded to enjoy things that I have not planned, or wanted to happen in the first place.
There is this weird beating that I hear when I think of some people, mostly boys. 
Boys. 
Boys.
Yes, not men. They don't deserve to be holding a superior title to twelve year olds. 
I am regretting trying to 'figure them out'. I just want honesty, blunt, honesty.
I am already in this place, and can't be broken down because of pointless decisions. 
Nobody wants to be where they aren't wanted. 
It's almost like I'm being tested. If I can handle this, I can handle anything, right? 
It's really hard to forget promises that were so right, yet broken. 
My mind needs to take a vacation, from thinking, wanting, hoping, dreaming, visualizing, and fixing; these hurtful darts that I keep throwing it's way. 
It's me, all me.
I don't blame anybody for the places I am and have been. I fell into situations I shouldn't have let myself fall into; yes fall. 
Why is it so easy to fall, yet so much harder to get yourself back up. 
There is this phenomenon with my friends that amazes me. 
These girls are spectacular, flawed, real women, ...women, searching for love with broken promises and regretful kisses. 
Isn't that the most beautiful thing?

Sharp

Fall labels, 
Wisconsin Weather, 
and the tans are fading. 
Edgy fall wardrobe?
Please. 

Decisions

Why do I push you until you break?
And you do the same back. 
This isn't how it's supposed to work. 
We are supposed to be happy. 
Supposed to work these things out. 
It's difficult to forget. 
Almost impossible, actually. 
Then there are opportunities knocking, 
But it's not like I'm emotionally secure enough, 
to embrace them. 


I think too deeply, 98% of the time. 
Excuse that quality. 

This Life.

It's hard to imagine the end of anything. 
The ripples are endless, but I am so flawed. 
I plan every last detail for years ahead, 
and probably don't enjoy each day as I should.
I am in college, liking it, but looking forward to the rest of my life.
But when I get to "the rest of my life" I'll look back and regret not
taking advantage of every year. 
My future is also so unsure at this point. 
New York City for a week, could bring incredible changes. 
This comfortable place has been my now. 
I want to do something beneficial each day.
A journey of living. Take one with me?

That look in your eyes that I miss so much.

Baby, remind me. 
It's hard to hear "I'm giving up.", 
just because I never would have. 

Here's to starting the day together.

This week brings some suspicious joy. 
Truth comes out, hopefully it is lovely. 
Until then. 

Silence

Living alone is helping me to cope with silence. 
It's an awkward thing when you're not used to it. 

Running Circles around Myself

My morning coffee is my best friend.
Makeup-less faces bring me joy.
Mini vacations, 
Lets get away. 

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Turn up the Music in your Heart.

Those times when you want to cry and scream at the same time. 

Hello Fall

Vanilla Chai candle
Mink Muffs nail polish
and girl talk on a Monday night

This Special One

Is he the chosen one? Or is that me. 

The Elephant in the Room

Finally past the stresses of figuring out my crazy schedule. 
Getting down to the last few classes of my college career. 
That is, if they all align like they are supposed to. 
Best of luck to everyone on their adventures this year. 
Let's get together and go do something spontaneous. 

You are Beautiful

Love. 
Love. Love. Love.


Everybody is searching for it, 
Many have found it, 
Some never will. 


There are certain instances that I replay in my head. 
Day after day. 
I just don't understand the way people live sometimes. 
But, who am I to judge?


Things just aren't "Meant to be". 
I love and hate that expression so much. 
Relationships take effort, whether they are "Meant to be" or not. 


I am just now getting past a time in my life when I thought everything was right. 
There are some things that I cannot change, and will move forward. 
I will be happy with someone again. 
And hopefully find, 
Love. 

This title's potential is blowing my mind.

There's a point in life where it is time to step back. 
I think I have reached that point, probably numerous times. 
Confusion is such a dominant emotion in my brain recently. 
My new horse Armani is incredible. He is the most powerful and reactive horse my trainer has seen. 
But at the same time this is making him really dangerous. 
I don't want to give up on him, he wouldn't give up on me. 

This Beautiful Day

Cheers to Junior year in college. 
This year should bring many new beginnings and opportunity to excel, hopefully graduate. 
I'm ready to be swept off my feet. 

Whirlwind

I need to cope. 

Embossed

Pretty things.
Beads, glitter, sequins. 
I feel like making something pretty today. 

Starbucks and Cloud kissed Skies

My parents picked up housing brochures today, here in Colorado.
Makes me smile big, because I'll be here in a year or so. 
I babysat my 9 month old cousin today. 
She is adorably gorgeous with these Angelina Jolie lips. 
My other cousin's baby Harlow is equally chic with this blonde curly hair. 
The way babies say "Hiii" just warms my blonde girlie heart.