Reins

I can't begin. 
I can't move on. 
Even in my dreams. 
There is something so little holding me up, 
like a pin, 
As I wander silently.
Brain never stops.
Emotions never rest.
This unending controlling obsession my being has..
is squeezing. 
Don't come back. Stay where you are.
The glow, heartbeats, and twirling sensations;
the tears that fill my eyes just picturing it.
Please.
That experience...
it can't be. 
I don't want to be without that life. 
And this boy.
I find peace in what I know.
This empty calendar is leaving me so blurred,
like distance matched with a bomb.
Just to scream, 
So gut wrenchingly loud.
And to drive somewhere I know, that will just be the same.
Numerous potentials and matched confidence will lead my path. 
Just this moment, has left me exhausted. 
Those dimmed lights, those blue eyes, and that sage honey.
The numbness of reading your words, the perfect house, and my horse that never stops fighting.
it's Gray. and me.