That point when you realize who your lifelines are.
And the horrible realization when you notice who isn't on that list.
Cut-out dresses couldn't be any prettier.
Dancing in the car,
in this pleasantly summer-kissed-with-fall weather.
Puppy tail wags and kisses.
Twin's "Lolynn I love you" 's brighten my life.
I guess I'm just not worth the difficulty of support.
Loyalty lost.
Mistake after mistake.
Way to be, Lauren.
I think really deep, especially when I'm left alone.
When do you stop fighting?
I have come across this question far too many times this year.
Am I the one changing drastically,
or is it really what my girlfriends tell me; their loss.
Every person is affected and molded by days and years in their lives,
but at the same time I don't want to lose touch.
Some big decisions are coming, and this month could change my life forever,
but I just am in this weird state of mind, where I want to stay and go at the same time.
I love spontaneity. I want to go outside and be this world's biggest explosion.
There are just these limits and barriers keeping me here, in little Wisconsin, wishing and hoping for things to go my way.
But, maybe my way isn't the right way to go? I'm the most stubborn person I know.
I could be too close-minded to enjoy things that I have not planned, or wanted to happen in the first place.
There is this weird beating that I hear when I think of some people, mostly boys.
Boys.
Boys.
Yes, not men. They don't deserve to be holding a superior title to twelve year olds.
I am regretting trying to 'figure them out'. I just want honesty, blunt, honesty.
I am already in this place, and can't be broken down because of pointless decisions.
Nobody wants to be where they aren't wanted.
It's almost like I'm being tested. If I can handle this, I can handle anything, right?
It's really hard to forget promises that were so right, yet broken.
My mind needs to take a vacation, from thinking, wanting, hoping, dreaming, visualizing, and fixing; these hurtful darts that I keep throwing it's way.
It's me, all me.
I don't blame anybody for the places I am and have been. I fell into situations I shouldn't have let myself fall into; yes fall.
Why is it so easy to fall, yet so much harder to get yourself back up.
There is this phenomenon with my friends that amazes me.
These girls are spectacular, flawed, real women, ...women, searching for love with broken promises and regretful kisses.
Isn't that the most beautiful thing?
Fall labels,
Wisconsin Weather,
and the tans are fading.
Edgy fall wardrobe?
Please.
Why do I push you until you break?
And you do the same back.
This isn't how it's supposed to work.
We are supposed to be happy.
Supposed to work these things out.
It's difficult to forget.
Almost impossible, actually.
Then there are opportunities knocking,
But it's not like I'm emotionally secure enough,
to embrace them.
I think too deeply, 98% of the time.
Excuse that quality.
It's hard to imagine the end of anything.
The ripples are endless, but I am so flawed.
I plan every last detail for years ahead,
and probably don't enjoy each day as I should.
I am in college, liking it, but looking forward to the rest of my life.
But when I get to "the rest of my life" I'll look back and regret not
taking advantage of every year.
My future is also so unsure at this point.
New York City for a week, could bring incredible changes.
This comfortable place has been my now.
I want to do something beneficial each day.
A journey of living. Take one with me?
